Top 5 Jeans For Cool Dudes

By Ned Hepburn on April 1st, 2009

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Let’s be honest. Up until you were about 15 your Mom bought your jeans for you. And she bought them at a department store, and you looked not unlike a certain cartoon propane salesman from Arlen. Jeans are something that should last you for a while; heck; they literally are the one thing covering your ass. Don’t skimp when it comes to jeans. I know it’s tough in this economy, as with sushi and toilet paper, jeans are something that you don’t want to spend very little money on. I’d advise staying away from any jeans selection at Macy’s – not that normal dudes would ever step foot inside a Macy’s unless you put a gun to their head – because if you buy cheap, you’ll look cheap, and seeing as you’ll be putting these on most days of the week you should take a gander at this handy dandy list. That’s right. I said handy dandy. Without further ado:

1. Levis

Levis are the original. Yes, that exact phrase appears numerous times in their advertising. But they truly are the original jean: their 501 is THE standard in jeans. It’s incredibly simple, but the fit is something out of this world. I swear by ‘em. There’s tons more to choose from, such as the au-currant 511 Skinny Jean, the Sim Straight 514, and the low rise boot cut 527 – one or all of which should fit any and all of your needs. Try going to one of their stores located in most major cities for a waaaay better selection, like the one in San Francisco which displays the oldest pair of jeans known to mankind. Seriously. Abe Lincoln wore them to all those early DC hardcore shows. Early, early DC hardcore shows. Like, 1800’s early.

2. Wrangler

Wrangler are durable. Very durable. I had a room-mate who’s pair lasted him somewhere in the vicinity of all four years of college day in and day out. While Wrangler may work for cowboys and dorky roomies alike, they’ve up until recently been somewhat lacking in the style department. Thankfully someone up in the board room decided to offer some more snug fits (full disclosure: I tried on a pair of their regular run of the mill jeans and felt like a combination of Hank Hill and Spongebob Squarepants). Their new black jeans work wonders; totally great for either working on the farm or going to a metal show. Too cool for Wranglers? Wranglers are too cool for you. They’ve been known to have a “Little Shop Of Horrors” effect on people, and you should eat steak to combat and feed the beast that these jeans will make you become.

3. Diesel

While Diesel is trying to brand itself as some kind of big gay fashion house that I’m sure they think is like Chanel but in reality is coming off like like Mugatu in Ben Stiller’s piece du resistance “Zoolander”, the fact is that they make damn good jeans. DAMN good jeans. Jeans that last for years and years that are incredibly well made. They run on the expensive side, around $150 on average, but not unlike a good leather jacket, these things will last you forever if you take marginal to good care of them. And disregard the cheesiness of the stores! Sweet Jesus. I didn’t know everything could be shiny and dull at the same time.

4. Evisu

Evisu are Puma’s brand of jeans. They’re not for the rock and roller, thats for sure, think more along the lines of the kind of dude that listens to Dj Shadow, smokes a doob, and still can beat anyone’s ass in a conversation about Political Science. They’re simply great jeans, and have a unique design on the back pocket. Because you totally care about that sort of shit. Much better than, say, jeans that don’t have designs on the back pocket. The last thing you want, good Sir, is to not have someone look at your ass. Ever see that Mel Gibson movie “Man Without An Ass”? Scary, scary shit. You don’t want to be that guy. Mel Gibson, that is. He’s anti semitic.

5. Lucky Jeans

For the kind of discerning bro who listens to his John Mayer cd and then watches The Office with his girl, y’know? Nothing wrong with that. You know how it is. You’ve been there. You went to college. You know what is up. The kind of guy that buys Lucky Jeans, he drinks beer exclusively, “hates it when the Rangers lose”, and has an unfinished copy of On The Road on his “Look At These Books I’ve Read” book shelf. This kind of dude likes to “chill” out and listen to The Doors. He probably has a lot of Greatest Hits albums and polo shirts and puts mustard on everything. What’s that? You want sushi? I don’t eat raw fish. Why? Because it’s raw. C’mon dude. You’re joking, right? Lets go to Outback. It’s where Jeff works. Jeff’s wicked cool. Lucky Jeans are available wherever fine jeans are sold.