3D Porn!!!

IT. IS. HERE.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. Three dimensional porn is upon us. No longer will I have to wonder at what angle do Sasha Grey’s boobs curve. No more do I have to ponder what Katie Fey looks like in the pale moonlight dancing by my bed to my low-birate mp3 of “Baker St”. It will finally be upon us.

Yes, men of the world. I bring to you great news from afar: in China they are currently shooting a 3D porn.

How cool is that? I nearly made my entire article’s 200 word minimum completely full of the sentence “HOW COOL IS THAT”. But wait. I have some real news.

“Just imagine that you’ll be watching it as if you were sitting beside the bed,” Stephen Shiu Jr. told the Sunday Morning Post. “There will be many close-ups. It will look as if the actresses are only a few centimeters from the audience.”

This is great news for those who are into BBW (look it up if you have to, ’cause I ain’t linkin’).

Twenty five to 30 per cent of the movie … will be sex scenes, Shiu told the newspaper. A Hong Kong-based special effects company that has worked on major blockbusters including The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D will help produce the 3D images for the sex movie. The producers hope the movie will cash in on the craze for 3D films in Hong Kong where 55 per cent of takings for last year’s hit film Journey to the Centre of the Earth came from the 3D version.

But wait! YOU COULD BE IN THIS. I KNOW! YOU! Shiu adds:

“We’re having trouble finding a male lead who is willing to undress in front of the camera,” he told the Post, “It’s a lot more difficult to find an actor than an actress for this kind of film”.

So there you have it: a black president, iPhones, 3D porn… yeah, we’re totally living in the future now.

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