According to one family of his neighbors, famous singer/songwriter Bob Dylan has a portable toilet installed outside his home which is causing them to feel ill from smelling its toxic waste management fumes. Because no other nearby families have reported smelling anything, Mayor Andy Stern has washed his hands of the matter, saying “I really have not involved myself in Bob Dylan’s toilet, and by the way I haven’t involved myself in anyone else’s toilet in Malibu.”
Because I am who I am, and because this blog offers me unprecedented levels of writing freedom, I will now regale you all with variations on this theme using Mr. Dylan’s song lyrics.
“There must be some kinda way outta here,” said David Emminger, a neighbor of Dylan’s. “There’s too much pollution … I can’t get no relief.” The neighbors claim the toilet smells hit them like a rolling stone, though Dylan refutes “It ain’t me, babe.” “Are you kidding?” say the neighbors. “It smells like Maggie’s Farm around here!” However, Mayor Andy Stern says there’s no need for anyone to go knockin’ on heaven’s door, as all along the watchtower, no one else is smelling what’s allegedly blowin’ in the wind. “The times they are a-changin’,” sighed the mayor. “In my day, we’d have said ‘Don’t think twice, it’s all right. Sooner or later a hard rain’s gonna fall, so just lay, lady, lay and soon your subterranean homesick blues will be over.’”
Dylan fans, I apologize for this article. But it’s all right Ma, I’m only finished.
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