Iron Man 2: Worst. Casting. Ever.

By Akela Talamasca on March 12th, 2009

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Oh man, Marvel, what the hell are you doing? MTV’s blog has it that Scarlett Johansen is now “officially in” for Iron Man 2, playing the role of the Black Widow. The Black Widow. You know, the former Russian spy-turned-good sometime Avenger? Lithe, sophisticated, take-no-prisoners Natasha Romanoff? Yes, that one.

Now, before you all get up in my face, let me just say this: Scarlett Johansen is pretty. She is sexy. I’d go so far as to say she’s a competent actress, having seen her in many films, like The Man Who Wasn’t There, Lost In Translation, and (shudder) The Island. But she’s not the first woman who comes to mind when I think “worldly”, “elegant”, or “seasoned”, which are all adjectives that the actress playing the Black Freaking Widow must embody.

Maybe Marvel has some unspoken stipulation for these movies, that they must include at least one pretty, yet vapid actress to bring in the People-reading, comics-deriding mainstream audience. They did it with their casting of Gwyneth Paltrow in the first one, and now look. Maybe the idea of having both Robert Downey Jr. AND Mickey Rourke on the same screen is just too awesome for the average moviegoer to take, and they need to dampen the excitement down a bit. I don’t know. What I do know is that this is not a piece of news that’s giving me any hope for the second Iron Man film.

Incidentally, who would I cast? I’m glad you didn’t ask! Give me Christina Hendricks, please. We know she can pull off sophisticated from her role Joan Holloway in Mad Men, and we know she can do action from her role as YoSafBridge in Firefly. And she’s a redhead. And she’s amazingly beautiful. Hollywood, it’s not too late. Please don’t brand Iron Man 2 with a … Scarlett Letter.

I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.